In Praise Of Beards
Is it so weird to wish
I could grow a beard
for special occasions?
Weddings and maybe
the odd funeral?
And when I want to
hide an annoying spot?
It’s not.
I don’t think it’s
morally bankrupt
or a sign of creeping
corruption
to wish myself
at least for a day
to be fuzzy of face.
So, I’m a girl?
So what?
Let’s not be sexist
about facial adornment.
Let’s not be scornful:
I’d wear it with pride.
I could dye it
rainbow shades,
crimp it and coif it,
sculpt it like hairy clay.
Not a wisp of bumfluff.
(Nor indeed a fluffiness
of my bum, since you ask.
Oh, you didn’t. Never mind.)
But a real proper
grrrrrrrr-iness,
a soft and inviting
furriness,
sprouting organic
from my chinny-chin-chin,
a strength of follicle
from within.
A nice curly huggly
jaw-warmer of furze,
to snigger behind
when people talk shite.
I could nurture it,
soothe it, stroke it
like a tame vole,
to look intellectual.
The very soul of
learned academia.
It might even purr.
But not in a way
that could suggest
infestation.
No livestock
grazing here.
I’d have the most
nuzzle-able
velvet-sighing
muzzle.
Indeed, was I not
the generation weaned
with My Little Ponies
to groom, plait and comb?
I should like to be
my own.
So, is it so weird
to wish I could grow
a beard?
No.
I’ll think of you as I shave my face this morning…
lol. Thank you!
As a man who’s currently not allowed to have a beard due to sillly rules at work, I feel the pain of this poem. Very funny and well written.
Definitely silly rules at work – I’ve heard there is research that says people trust beardy people less than the beardless, and that’s crazy!
So much about what proves to be a rhetorical question! What a blast
)) Very, very funny – love it x
Thanks Polly – this one feels like spoken word to me, possibly…
… and didn’t we all love it! Well done for reading this last night at our Ludi Cereales event, Holly. Everyone loved it – even my friends who don’t typically come along to open mic events really loved it
Thank you! You can never tell in advance how people will react to a piece. And as you know, my terror of reading is something I’m trying to conquer in time…
Much of the credit for last night must go to you and Geoff and John for such superlative hosting and organising. It worked really well!
All clearly enjoyed your set – you must have seen / sensed that, which should help you gain confidence. It was a good place to be building experience – lots of supportive people – again though, well done you, your writing and performance of it got the recognition it deserves
Yes, it’s certainly rewarding when you sense people are engaged – the gentle surprised laughter at certain points in this one was most gratifying! And yes, definitely a good environment to start out in – I was saying that to someone completely unconnected to spoken word the other day, about it being an ideal place to cut one’s performing teeth!
It was a good and positive atmosphere – so glad you thought so too
Love this! Fun. Thought provoking. Well done!
Thank you!
You had me laughing out loud all the way!!
You are in good form with your “happy poems”!!
:)
Christine
Thank you – I’m sure normal service will be resumed soon enough.
I’m lucky in that my writing or blogging is seldom an indication of my current worldview – I’d hate people to be concerned when I post about murder and misery!
Although I do have that annoying spot today…
Funny Funny it seems to be the day for it
Some days are just like that – glad you enjoyed!
Now as you can see, Holly, I have a lovely beard and sometimes it gets out of control and needs a bit tender grooming
(not sure about dying it rainbow shades though ). And would you believe I too have written a poem about my beard (not as good as yours though), you reminded of it when you said “It might even purr.” because mine is called “Purr” – can I post the link for you?
Love this poem, Holly
Please do post the link Martin! I’d love to read it!
Every beard needs a bit of love I think.
I just read my poem and it’s a bit naughty, but here goes http://agapintheclouds.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/purr/
I liiiiiike that…. Recommend anyone reading this to click on across and take a look….
A well-written comic poem! Great job.
Thank you very much!
HA, funny! If you get old enough, your dream may come true.
Thanks Lilly! Maybe I could simply adopt a tame one…
Beards are great. Mine comes in spotty – thin on the sides – an now greyish. I like the robust mountain man beard. Well, enjoy your chinny, chin, chin!
Thank you. My chin (all baby soft) salutes your beardiness!
Aw reminded me of The Twits – the best beard story ever!
Ooooh, now that you say that, I think I may have to revisit that one!
OH! Doh! careful what you wish for!!
True, Willow, true…
I grow a beard for the winter – it is perfectly natural that you wish to grow one as they are great! I call mine Simon.
And I hope it’s a lovely gingery beard?
Oh yes!
Great one, thanks for making me smile! ♥
Hey Becky – thank you for reading!
I really enjoyed that. Oh, the memories of a beard, not mine but…
I would say more but what would you think of me? 
)
As long as they were happy beardy memories…
Absolutely!
Thank you Melissa!
This is truly fantastic
I will love my beard even more as I progress through this life!
Always love your beard – it looks like a very good one! Thank you for reading Jeff.